I'm not too sure if this is appropriate to talk about on here or not, but I feel like I need to get it out. I'm not looking for comments or to weird people out, or whatever you may think.. I'm just hoping to get some of my thoughts and feelings down in writing. And if you want to read, be my guest :)
Anyways.. over the past few weeks I had been so very excited of the fact that I was pregnant. Yes, preggo, and feeling wonderful. Everything was going great until just over a week ago, when I was 7.5 weeks along. We had headed out to Port Renfrew to go camping with family and friends and were so excited to finally be there.. and to be camping for the first time with our son. It happened on Saturday while my husband was out fishing for the day. I had a miscarriage :( Thankfully I had my mother-in-law to be there for me while I dealt with everything, and my little munchkin to give me hope. I ended up having an ultrasound a few days later to confirm everything that we already knew. I'll spare you the details.. but boy oh boy.. it was horrible, both physically and emotionally.
It has been so hard trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened.. why? why me? why now? what was wrong? did I do something to cause this? and the questions keep on flowing.. I know a bit about it now as I've done a little research and have been in touch with a lot of other people via on line forums that have experience similar misfortunes. I know how frequently it happens and am quite surprised, yet also a bit relieved that it can happen in as many as 1 in 5 pregnancies.
What I find hard to understand is that no one talks about it publicly. It's a huge event in someone's life and I just don't know why it's not more out in the open. Obviously it's very personal, and quite awkward, but it also effects you so much .. anyways, I'm feeling better with each day that goes by, and am so very thankful that I have Landon. Thankful for the fact that he is here, and that it gives me some reassurance that yes my body does work! I'm still sad.. still frustrated, still disappointed, and the anger has subsided a bit thankfully. I'll just keep taking it one day at a time and hopefully we can get through this in one piece :)
Thanks for reading :)